Lame Christmas Commercials

Now that the Christmas holidays are approaching, the virtual cornucopia of lame Christmas commercials has returned to the airwaves trying to entice you to buy everything from alcohol and high-fructose corn-syrup-laden drinks to toys for as-yet-unreleased movies and diamonds (they are forever, don't you know).  Because after all, if we all consume/use/promote/buy these things our lives will become magically perfect and even I will start to like certain members of my family, and indeed hug them when I see them instead of my usual forced-smile-then-ignore tactic.

Not likely.

Dr. Seuss had it nailed with his story about the Grinch, folks, however this falls under the category of 'yet another post idea'.

There are, however, a few commercials out there that do fall into the category of not-so-lame by virtue of being clever, making one laugh, of just having that awwwww... factor.  The infamous polar-bears-party-with-penguins-over-a-bottle-of-coke commercial has that awwwww... factor, so I have to admit being not completely annoyed by it, just somewhat annoyed.   I feel that I must point out some fundamental errors in this commercial, in the hopes that future generations will not be swayed to stupidity by the massive Coca-Cola marketing machine.

1. There is nowhere on Earth, to my knowledge, where polar bears and penguins co-habitate the same locale.  Except maybe zoos.  And I don't see any high-tensile wire fences, moats, or Asian tourists with cameras anywhere in that commercial.

2.  I'm pretty sure once she's been knocked up, ole mama bear promptly kicks papa bear's ass off the ice-flo.  Maybe he was running around with a local grizzly floozy, maybe she's just tired of his lazy ass always watching the football game and never taking out the trash.  Either way, poor Junior (or Juniorette) is guaranteed to be from a broken home.

3.  I wasn't aware penguins squeaked/squealed/trilled.  I always thought of it as more of a buzzing squawk.  But hey, you never know.  National Geographic might just have it all wrong.

4.  The Beach Boys penguin-party music you had going last year was much better.  'F' for effort this year, Coke.  Who the hell is that anyways?!  There isn't even any lyrics.

5.  Way to exploit the whole 'cute factor' to get people to buy your shit.  While I can appreciate the whole cuteness of your commercial, it still won't entice me to buy your crappy product.

In conclusion, all I can say that if Coke actually is on to something, and sharing a bottle of Coke with your enemy will bring world peace, let me be the first to contribute to a campaign involving shipping bottles of Coke over to Afghanistan and every other war-torn locale on the planet.  In fact, I'm thinking this commercial might do better to air in such regions instead of here, show 'em all how it's done.  Oh, wait... they likely don't have sufficient money to buy a bottle of Coke in these regions, so it'd be a marketing fail.

Let cynicism reign supreme.

In the meantime, enjoy the awwwww... factor, and have a Merry Christmas!

YouTube - Coca Cola Arctic Beach Party 2010