Selling shit online sucks

Those of you who have never tried to sell anything online have no idea what you're missing out on.

No, seriously.

NO idea.

Especially when that something is something large, worth a lot of money, and somewhat essential to your day to day operations as you cruise through that potential myth you call 'reality' (I could do a sideline on quantum physics here, but I'll leave it to another fine day).

Recently, I undertook the endeavour of trying to sell my car online.  The ole girl... well, not so old, but anyways... it was time for her to find a new home for a number of reasons, the first being that I wanted an SUV to haul around my 10,583 dogs (I exaggerate a bit here), and the second reason being I really, really, really really really, REALLY wanted to pay of my fucking Visa card.

Curse you Visa with all your deceiving offers of 'pay later' and 'we'll give you travel rewards'.  Fuckers.

Anyways...

Hey!  Dirty Laundry by Don Henley on the radio, I LOVE this tune!!!  "I make my living on the evening news, gotta give me something, something I can use... people love it when you lose..."

AHEM!  Sorry!

Anyways...

So, being the enterprising individual that I am (not sure what that has to do with selling my car, but whatev), I got the ole girl detailed (complete rip off, don't bother, do it yourself), took some snazzy pictures, and proceeded to post her on Kijiji.ca and AutoTrader.ca.  Now allow me to share a few quick lessons here:

1.  Anything on AutoTrader.ca will do nothing for your vehicle except generate a number of scam e-mails.  Now don't quote me on this, but anyone looking to deal through 'agents' or wanting your PayPal account information is likely a scammer.  Just sayin'.

2.  If you can put up with the scam e-mails, anything on AutoTrader.ca will make the value of your car look fabulous if you ever go to a used car dealer seeking a trade-in.  Especially if your AutoTrader.ca ad was overpriced to begin with, you never bothered to amend the price because you got tired of all the fucking scam e-mails, and the used car sales guy is too stupid to realize that the car in the picture is the exact same car that he just evaluated and is currently parked outside the showroom door.

3.  Anything on Kijiji.ca will quickly be bumped to like page bazillion.  Because there is like a quadrillion car ads posted on there everyday.

So... job one was the car was posted online.  Now we move on to the actual 'interest' and buying process.

As aforementioned, there will always be scam e-mails.  Those were associated with the ad on AutoTrader.ca.  I also got a bazillion offers of trades via my Kijiji.ca ad.  Make sure if you are not in the least interested in trades you put that in your ad.  Of the legit enquiries I got about my car, probably like 2 out of 3 were just 'tire kickers'.  These are people that have no intention what-so-fucking-ever of buying your car, but feel like being douches and just wasting your time.  At least I think they're just douches, maybe they're jerks or jamheads instead, I'm just guessing here.

You will, however, if you're lucky get a few genuinely 'interested' individuals.  Here's a summary of my 'interested' individuals:

1.  Individual One lowballed me off the start, but in the interest of selling my car I negotiated back and forth a bit.  In the end I decided to accept his offer, upon which he asked for a CarProof report.  Now, the CarProof on my car is the most boring document in the history of mankind.  My car is spotless.  I pay $50 for the CarProof, send it to the guy, and never hear from him again.  Thanks for wasting my time (and $50) douche.  Maybe he works for CarProof?  That sneaky rat bastard...

2.  Individual Two was a high school kid, who was looking to buy a car with some assistance from his parents.  Now by this time I had lowered the price of my car to what was basically it's published black-book value.  What the kid neglected to tell me was that his budget was $4,500 below what I wanted for the car.  And he continued to neglect this little fact even after I drove the car into town to HIS house, and let them take it for a test drive.  Despite being lowballed yet again (when he eventually admitted what his budget was), once I decided to accept what was his budget-offer I never heard from him again.  Thanks for the courtesy phone call saying "no, thank you".  Jerk.

3.  Individual Three sent me an e-mail asking if it was still available and if I'd take "x dollars", and after I replied with a "yes" and my phone number, I never heard from them again.  Once again, thanks for wasting my time and my "pay per GB" broadband usage.

4.  Individual Four... well, let's just say the anecdotes don't get any better.

All in all, this was a very, very, VERY (did I mention very?) stressful experience.  I spent approximately two to three months of time negotiating with people, becoming elated when I thought it had sold and it was all over, only to be crushed when the douche's just became more tire kickers.  I would not wish this experience on anyone.

In the end, my car just got traded straight across on another vehicle, and all I've accomplished is the ability to haul my dogs around.  Plus I miss my car. 

Now the fun begins anew with my 'new' vehicle as I am still determined to get rid of that Visa payment.

Curse you Visa!!!