Morning people

I am not a morning person. 

I discovered this in my teen years where my non-school day routine consisted of getting up around 9am, showering, then crawling back into bed around 10am and sleeping until 1pm or so.  Luckily, I have an amazing Mom and Step-Dad who never hollered at me to get my ass out of bed, or banged on my bedroom door until I stumbled out all bleary-eyed and grumpy.  It also helped that my brothers, although 7 and 9 years younger than me and supposedly under my watchful care, were very self sufficient little monkeys and contented themselves with cereal and weekend cartoons while the aforementioned parents wandered off to work (they owned their own retail business, which was a 7-day a week affair). 

Needless to say, once I completed university and wandered off into the big, wide world I was delighted to land the job I am currently at (I am no longer as delighted with said job, but again, another post).  See, my current job is a shift work job, whereby I work 12 hour day and night shifts, resulting in mega days off for me to continue to practice my morning sleep routine (the routine has evolved somewhat, but it still does not involve a morning that begins before 8:30am).  When I started this job, I was treated to a shift work seminar that was designed to help me understand just exactly how much this great idea of shift work was going to add to the productivity of my employer, but in the end really screw with my body and likely leave me riddled with cancer and unpronounceable diseases by the time I retire.  Oh, and it taught me what I already knew; that I am indeed "an owl" and not "a lark".  Those are fancy terms for saying that I'm not a morning person.

Luckily in addition to this job, Husband has no problems with me continuing to practice my morning sleep routine, so barring any unforeseen life-altering diseases in another twenty or so years, all's well that ends well.

Or one would think.

Now, at this aforementioned shift work job, I end up working day shifts (obviously).  These commence at a ridiculously early hour, namely 6:45am.  I tolerate these day shifts, resigning myself to just a single tear when the alarm goes off at 5:20am instead of the torrent of tears that threatens to flow as my despair at the hour is so great.  Even my dogs don't want to get up at this hour, and they get excited about everything.  I don't even think my alarm clock wants to be awake at this hour, but it's dedication to me is astounding.  I shower, get dressed, grab my lunch then head off to work.  Once at work, however, things can really start to unravel.

You see, I work with some people who are those evil, nasty larks.  And some are the type of larks that think everyone else in the world is a lark too, and have no concept that some of us would really rather be left alone first thing in the morning.  There are few things worse after managing to get up at some unholy hour than walking into work, sitting down, and getting a lovely cheery "Good morning!  How are you this morning?".

Between simultaneously wanting to punch this individual and rip off their face and stuff it down their throat, I usually manage to snarl out a "Fine" between gritted teeth.  I really wish I could tell them how I actually feel.  It'd be something along the lines of "Well, my alarm clock jarred me awake at some hour that shouldn't even exist, I haven't managed to fucking fully wake up yet, and I really don't want to be here.  Additionally I want to rip your face off and shove it down your throat right now.  Other than that, though, I'm great!  How are you?".

I respect that you are a morning person, and even envy you a little.  But you, lark, are to me like a Jehovah's Witness standing on my doorstep.  I respect that you and I are different, but please please PLEASE do not invade my personal space trying to sell me on your philosophy.  It does nothing to magically make my morning all better, so save it.  While this may sound overdramatic, I honestly do not need to be reminded that yes, I am up way too early and still blurry-eyed and tired.

The morning is hard enough to survive as it is.