Things not to do at 4am

Being a shift worker working 12 hour shifts, I get to experience the joy of regularly stressing my body out by staying up all night, attempting to produce coherent thoughts and products for my clients while hoping that nothing I send out results in major incidents, crashes, smashes, or other terribleness of epic proportions.  Luckily, I have some very smart clients who are always quick to second guess my work if they think I've made a major fubar.

The further joy of this situation is we only work two, occasionally three shifts in a row before flipping to the opposite shift, with a few days off in between each flip.  The problem with this is you never really get used to either a day or night rotation, so your body is constantly left guessing which direction you're headed, further stressing it out.

Now we all do the best we can to prepare for this disjointed, stressful little voyage we call a career that our bodies are taking, but inevitably there are those shifts that defy preparation due to various reasons, be they of a personal nature or influenced by events around you.

These shifts are hell.

The list of symptoms you experience during these shifts right around that 3am to 4am lull in your circadian rhythm reads like the side effects from a bad trial of medication.  You know the commercials I'm talking about.  They play during The Price is Right and star that Walter Grumley (Brumley? Crumley? dunoo...) guy, because hey... advertisers know they're audience!

We're talking everything from the obvious like fatigue and drowsiness, to the mental issues of inability to focus, boredom, and lethargy.  Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarhea can also be in that list, but hey!  That's what Pepto Bismal is for, right?  Oh, and the headaches.  Can't forget the headaches.

At any rate, after suffering through shifts like these for just over 8 years now, I've come up with a list of things not to attempt to do at 4am.

1. Soduku.  Don't... even... bother.  You're frustration will be extreme.
2. Read a book that is the tiniest, teeniest iota un-engaging.  If you're gonna read it at this time of day, it better be the most exciting book you've ever read.
3. Attempt a conversation on anything remotely complicated, like say quantum theory or how kittens could exist in bubbles.  The results will be riDQlous.
4. Blog.  Seriously, can you count all the erros?  I'm purposely not editing this post you can see just how broken my brain is at the moment (I'm in the lull).
5. Soduko... wait.  Did I already say that?
6. Operate heavy machinery.  Good thing my car isn't that heavy.
7. Blog.  This post is more disjointed than a Cirque du Soleil performer.
8. ...
9. Wait... what?

And that dear readers condludes my lecture on how tot create a lovely centrepiece, from nothing but some bubblegum, and eraser, and some napkins you swiped from McDonald's.  Tune in next time for our next martha Stewart project, where we will create bubbles with kittens in them!