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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

An open letter to Satellite TV

A picture collage of my last phone
 experience with my (former) 
satellite provider.
Can you put the pictures in the
proper order?  :)
Dear Satellite TV, 

I'm so very, very, sorry, but I just can't commit to you and am cancelling you from my life.

It's not you, it's me.  I am impatient, have a short attention span, and...

Actually...
...it is you.

You are boring, with too many lame commercials and mid-season breaks, not to mention the importance you place on boring sports that I don't care about.  Interrupting the start of my favorite TV show just so a bunch of overpaid idiots on steroids can finish throwing a tiny ball around is totally not cool.

It is also not cool when you are making me happy, but then interrupt that happiness for some totally idiotic breaking news update about some idiotic individual that got shot idiotically.  Honestly chances are really, really good I don't give a flying crap about any of it.  You interrupted my HAPPY.  And given generally that there is not enough HAPPY to go around in the world today, I tend to zealously protect what HAPPY I have.  You never interrupt my HAPPY to let me know good news and increase my HAPPY, which makes it all the worse.

As for cancelling my favorite TV show mid-season because it's not the instant-uber-mega-hit you wanted... that is so not cool that it is below absolute zero.  Yes, I'm mostly looking at you, FOX.

Finally, I hate that you never work as advertised little annoying box that I paid oodles of hard-earned cash for, and I constantly have to phone (likely) India or some small largely unknown island nation only God knows where on this Earth to figure out how to make you function properly again.  I have spent more time talking to individuals in these locations in the past year than I have to my Mother, which is very, very sad.  I need someone reliable, Satellite TV, so have decided to go with Rabbit Ears.

In short Satellite TV, it would never work between you and me.  I wish you well.

With fondness,
Me

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Musings on Top Secret files and Hollywood

I thought that given my recent few blogs exposing local top secret projects involving velociraptors and mutants, I should perhaps clarify (or more likely mudify) my position on such matters.

Despite being a somewhat logical, level-minded (albeit random) individual, I have to admit to wondering just exactly what does go on behind all those closed doors, inside those files marked Top Secret, and within the minds of the world's most powerful politicians and other notables.

We all see these flashy, dashy, fantastic movies from Hollywood where there is a big cover-up, mystery or other such riddle that gets solved (or not) during the course of the movie, and we think "what fantastic entertainment, but it can't possibly be true..."

...or can it?

See, just as all the great thinkers in history quite often wrote about ideas or drew objects that were far ahead of their time and came from their imaginations, I believe that sometimes there may be an iota of truth behind some of these so-called fictional Hollywood blockbusters. 

Consider, for example, that the US military had satellite technology and image resolutions back in the 1970's and 1980's that the civilian sector was just being allowed to utilize in the 1990's.  Or that the Stealth Bomber was developed back in the late 1970's to early 1980's (based on technology from even further back) and did not become known mainstream until the mid-1990's.  The point being that when they want to, our powers that be (no matter your geographical location in the world) are really great at keeping secrets.  Quite frankly, you are likely only limited by your imagination when thinking about the kind of shit these people are currently up to.

Consider as well that people manipulate other people all the time to further their own means.  We all do it, everyday.  I don't care how good, or well-intentioned, or pious or whatever you are, I guarantee that you have manipulated someone at some point in time to obtain a means to your end.  Is it really such a far leap of logic to assume that our governments, large corporations, the media and other entities in positions of power do this as well?  Large retail corporations do it all the time... it's called advertising.  If you think you aren't being manipulated into buying (or even thinking of buying) some piece of crap consumer good you don't really need, you are woefully mistaken my friend.  They spend millions on this shit daily just so you will buy their macaroni & cheese, diapers, DVD players, music albums... the list is infinite!  The point here is that if they can manipulate the masses into believing you absolutely need the latest, greatest, biggest 3-D TV that displays yellow (yes, yellow!!) in addition to the three primary colours, they can most certainly manipulate us in our thinking about events that go on daily in the world at large.

Now back to my original point about the movies... yes, there is some really crazy, fantastic and (supposedly) entirely fictional shit that goes on on the big screen, but maybe this is the point in the first place.  To keep us all thinking that it is just crazy, fantastic, and entirely fictional shit so that when some poor schmuck does try to expose the truth we all laugh, call him a nut-job, then promptly place him on medication for his 'mental health issues'.  And medication and the drug companies... don't get me started on them.  That, sports fans, is a conspiracy theory of epically scary proportions.

The bottom line of all this is there is a lot of secrets out there, and a lot of manipulation of the masses that goes into keeping these secrets.  If some screenwriter imagined it for his next blockbuster movie hit, you can bet that some other individual imagined it as well who has the knowledge and black project funding from some government or corporation to turn it into reality.  Maybe my velociraptors and mutants aren't so crazy after all, huh?

At any rate, enough deep thought from me for now.  I have to go make a new tin-foil hat... the lesson being always put them on the hand wash cycle.  Plus I think I'm overdue for my meds...